Advice for Ruby Cathy by Jeffrey Nash

Dear Ruby Cathy,

I first would like to apologize for the lost of your mother. I to have experienced close lost in my family. And I know its rough but, the pain will eventually go away.Second I would like to apologize for how your father treats tou. I personally think his is also grieving as he should be but until he gets to the point where he doesnt need to use violence for the solution. I think he should let you and Phyllisia live with your uncles for a while. Speaking of Phyllisia. she is just going through a rough time in her life. Losing her mother,all the things with Edith's family, and her fathers actions. But as her sister you should be there for her and just listen to what she has to say about her life. I hope everything works out for the best

Sincerely,

Jeffrey T. Nash

Advice to Ruby Cathy by Sean Halsel

Dear Ms.Cathy,
I'm sorry to hear about your mother's death. Also I think that you need to know upfront that life is miserable. It's just something that you have to get used to. The best thing for you is to stay with a relative, that way you won't have to deal with your abusive father. Also, Phyllisia cannot be helped. She is gonna continue to rebel no matter what. You need to do what's best for you. The fact that Phyllisia
Is abandoning you is not going to change. She is a selfish person. The way she abandoned her friend Edith is the same way she will abandon you. Also, your father is nothing but an abusive liar who will never get over himself.
You need to leave and stay with someone else. I honestly hope things get better.
                Your doctor,
                 Sean Halsel

Advice to Ruby Cathy by Tenaea Martin

-To Ruby Cathy

            First you should try to sit down with your sister and give her a reality check, because she’s probably acting that way toward your father because her mother has just passed away. Just explain to her it’s a difficult time for all of you and her acting the way she does isn’t going to make it better for anyone. Now the situation with your father is that he loves you guys very much, he just probably doesn’t know how to show it. Usually people like this have a wall built so that no one can get them but if you tell him how you feel, how he’s hurting you physically and emotionally those walls he built might come down and you and your family will be able to live happily.

Advice to Ruby Cathy by Michael Daye

Dear Ruby,


First I'll start off by saying sorry for your lost. Your house seems very unstable right now. The easiest way to build a positive relationship with your father is verbally, and that is for you, and your sister. You guys have to keep listening to him though, even if you KNOW your right, you have too. It might seem hard, but you have to because of the fact that he's your father, and your his child. Also, lying gets you NOWHERE. You have to try to convince your sister to stop lying to him and start obeying the rules. Trust is key, if he knows you'll listen to him and obey his rules, he can never go wrong again. These are the only ways to build a bond. The last thing I have to tell you is, take some initiative. Start doing housework and homework without being told too and he'll loosen up, I promise.

P.S.
Keep hope and keep on smiling! :)

Advice to Ruby Cathy by Katrina Evans

Dear Ruby,

Getting over losing a parent and grieving can be very hard for one person to handle. It’s also very rough when you have to deal with a father who is VERY hard on you. The only way to get better and to help
yourself is to listen to your parent’s orders. It may seem hard at times, but even when your parent is wrong: they’re right. Arguing with your father and rebelling against him will do you no justice. He will have
to learn on his own that his parenting skills are just not the right way sometimes. Surround yourself with positive influences and life will be easier. It may be hard to have to sacrifice things for Calvin, especially
when you shouldn’t have to. However, listening to a parent can be the only way to relieve stress from you and win back his trust. You are a very smart and talented young lady. Listen to your guidance and do the right thing!

Sincerely,
Katrina Evans

Advice for Ruby Cathy By Nicholas Fisher

Dear Ruby,

I am sorry to hear about your situation at home, it seems that it is not healthy for any one of you guys. First of all I think that the fact of your mother passing has a great deal to do with the situation. I think that your sister is very confused and distraught, as is your father. Neither of these two seem to know how to deal with their feelings. Your father seems to be unable to deal with the flux of the emotion that comes with the loss of a loved one and for sister seems to see your father as a cold, tyrannical man and she is rebelling because she knows no other way to voice her opinion and get your father's attention. I would just get the two of them to talk it out and establish a connection which they can build off of. Please write me back and let me know how this worked.

Thanks,

Nicholas Fisher

Advice To Ruby Cathy from M. Nickens

Dear Reader,

Your family should have a serious talk about each other’s feels. Talk while you’re doing something, talk openly and listen calmly. Even if you don’t like what the other person is saying, don’t be instantly judgmental. Realize that even if it looks like they are not listening, they probably are. Also, acknowledge their point of view even if you don’t agree with it. Make sure you’re listening and not just talking, the more you listen the more you learn about them. Your family should do this every month and you’ll start a better way to communicate to each other. And your father should stop sweating the small stuff and relax. As for your sister it is normal for her to act up a little, it helps her feel independent. Annoying as it may be, it reflects their growing mental capabilities. But it should not be dismissed when she does something totally inappropriate, she needs to apologize. Don’t force her to apologize because she does not mean it. As for the spanking I believe that you and your sister are old enough to know what you do is on you. And spanking is a negative approach to the situation. Your father needs to communicate, even through this might be hard for him to get used to they’ll go a long way toward helping develop socially and emotional connections. When kids misbehave, parents often push. He should back off and give you and your sister some space. And some rules should be made be they have to be fair and your father has to stick to them. This is a long process be it is worth it. Wish best of luck.

Sincerely,

Shut up nickens

Advice for Ruby Cathy by Matthew Burch

Dear Ms.Cathy
    Far too often we find ourselves caught in the middle of disputes between our loved ones.  This kind of scenario is twice as hard when the ones fighting share common blood, and is even worse still when one is the child of the other. Fathers can be a symbol of love and protection but can also be a symbol of fierce power and oppression, as is the case with yours. Fathers love their children, this is a known fact. They feel protective over them especially when his children are pretty, young women. Some fathers have trouble expressing their feelings of love and protection. Some fathers want to be able to control aspects of their daughter’s lives to ensure that they grow up safely and properly. Your father seems to be both of these types. I’m sure he loves you two deeply, but cannot express it well. The reason he beats you when you have done something wrong is simply because he does not know any other way to teach you two. He probable fears that if he is not strict with you he will lose you both. Now as for your sister she is a whole other problem.
 Like I have said before your father probable has trouble expressing his love. This may cause your sister to feel unloved, unwanted and even hated. These emotions have very dramatic effects on a family’s life style. As your father gets more and more strict, your sister feels more feelings of hatred and anger. This can eventually lead to “rebellion”, if you will. This will only lead to more beatings, fights, strict rules, fear and rebellion. It is an endless cycle that escalates until someone finally cracks and goes too far with his/her actions.
 I’m almost positive you have seen these kinds of behaviors among your family, especially after your mother passed. The death of a family member is tragic and can put enormous amounts of stress on members of the family, especially if they were close. This stress can make anger rise faster and with more intensity.
What I suggest you do is have your father and sister talk things out. First you tell them about how this constant fighting is hurting you, both physically and mentally. Next get them to explain to one another why they have been acting like they have. To ensure that your father stays calm have a close family friend or member come and be with him during this conversation. To ensure your sister stays YOU need to be there and keep her talking and calm. This should show each other that they have both been wrong. Next you should try and get your father to express his feelings about your sister, and then your sister needs to tell your father how she feels.
I hope I have helped you in your time of need. If you need further assistance do not be afraid to contact me again. If you feel that you cannot do this by yourself, I also have family counseling on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. All you need to do is call and schedule and appointment.
                        Best wishes,
                                                                         Matthew J. G. Burch

Advice for Ruby Cathy by Marina Nolla

Dear Ruby,

I'm truly so sorry to hear about your mother. I know times are rough right now, but they WILL get better. You're letter really upset me. A girl your age shouldn't have to deal with these problems, but I will give you the best advice I can give. All I feel that is really useful for you to do right now is to communicate with your family. When it comes to your father, I think you should talk to him, one on one, and tell him everything that's on your mind unless you feel like he may get violent with you. Talk to him about why your sister acts the way she does and mention that you want to keep your family together. If you get emotional, that's okay! He is your father and you should be able to talk to him. As for your sister, you have nothing to lose by talking to her. Sit her down and explain to her how her actions toward your father are affecting you in very negative ways. Tell her how important it is for your family to stay together and how moving away won't solve anything. Mention how much you love her and your father! You need to lay everything out on the table and tell your sister and father exactly how you feel. If this doesn't work, try talking to another relative, friend, or teacher. I hope everything goes well and I wish you the best of luck! 

Advice for Ruby Cathy by Myah Olson

Dear Ruby,

I am very sorry to hear about the death of your mother. When such a tragic event takes place in a person’s life a flood of emotions come over people. People can bottle up those emotions and release them in ways such as rebelling or taking anger out at someone.  As for your sister, it seems like she has grief over your mother’s death and can’t quite figure out how to cope with it. Sitting down with her and just having a talk about your feelings about your mother’s death might make her vent out her own feelings.  For your father, he seems to be handling the death very unwell. If this persists there are many places you can report the abuse. The best thing for him is to have and older family member try to talk some sense into your father.

          I hope this helps you!

 

-Myah

Advice To Ruby Cathy from Morgan Murphy

Dear Ruby Cathy, 

        I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Losing a parent can be very difficult on a family and can tear them apart. For your sisterIi would talk to her. Try and explain to her that if she doesn't listen that your father is going to send you to relatives and you don't want that to occur. Explain to her that you do not want the family to be separated more then it already is. If your sister does not listen and she keeps disobeying your father, I would talk to him about it and tell him that you love him and he needs to calm down some. If he does not listen, it might be a good idea to live with relatives because then you know that you and your sister are safe then. i hope everything works out, try as hard as you can to keep your family together because with out family you don't have very much.

 

Advice from,

M.Murphy

Advice for Ruby Cathy by Haley Roney

Dear Ruby,

           

I am terribly sorry to hear about your mother, I can’t even imagine what your going through. I can tell how much love you have for your family and it means a lot for you all to be together. I hate to say it but there is only so much you can do. Even though your sister likes to act out make sure you keep your cool and just do what’s right. Definitely let your sister know how you feel about the situation. Tell her that you don’t want to go live with relatives and that you want to remain with your father. Make her realize that her attitude towards her father is not only going to effect herself but its also going to effect you. Try to direct her down the right path. The arguments only lead to something worse. If you got your sister and your father to communicate & talk things out more it would help the situation. I wish you the absolute best. Remember, what ever happens just make the best of it!

Sincerely,

H. Roney

Advice to Ruby Cathy by Sonny Breeger

Dear Ruby Cathy,

I am very sorry to hear about what is going on in your family. I am also sorry to hear about your loss and my condolences go out to your family. It is a very painful thing to go through in your life, but your not alone. There are thousands of fathers and or mothers that beat their kids. There also may be some reasons to why your father beats you. Some parents just do this to put discapline into their kids and if they do this it makes them better people in the end. Your father may be doing this because sinse your mother is gone he may think the only way to help his daughters is to beat them. I know it sounds crazy, but in some cases this is true. I personally don't know you Ruby, but there are a few different approaches you could try and tackle this problem with.
One approach you can do is just sit down with your father and talk to him privately, then talk with your sister privately, then bring them both together and talk everything out. Telling Calvin how much you love him and how much you need him and we can find another way of discipline other than beating. You try and get your sister to tell you and your father whats wrong and work your problem out from there. Your sister just may need attention or it could be the simpliest thing. Another approach you could take is try and save up your money and sign you, your father, and your sister up for therapy. I know that may sound a bit extreme but nine times out of ten therapy will solve the problem and you and your family could be living a happy and healthy life. Another thing you could do is if you have any close relatives bring them into the equation and have a intervention. I hope you can work everything out and I wish you much luck.

With much luck,

Sonny Breeger

Advice to Ruby Cathy By Mia Sapienza

    Dear Ruby,

           I should probably start out by saying I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I could understand how hard this time would be on you and your family. You and your family are in my prayers, and I'm sure everything will start to get better soon, all you need is faith. I appreciate you coming to me for advice, and that i will try my best to help your family connect once again. Thank you for being brave enough to share your problems and ask for help, you are appreciated for that. 

           I'm happy to hear that you see, clearly, the serious problems occurring in your household with your sister and father. The way that your father has been handling situations with your sister is very wrong. He needs to understand that by using physical punishment will be harder on a child to respect him as a father figure. Even after your mother has just died, i can imagine how the whole ordeal is being emotionally put on you girls. Your mother respected you girls dearly, and raised you to face your problems and become stronger, and i know that because you came for help and advice. She only wants what is best for you and your sister. And if she hadn't of trusted Your father in being there for you girls, I'm sure you would be in another place right now. It seems to me that your father loves you both dearly, and only uses violent actions to try and get through to you. Your sister is only rebelling and disobeying because she is grieving over the death. She may feel that the only person she could only listen to was your mother. 

          And for your father, i feel that he is grieving also and looking for help in many ways. Its hard enough to have a spouse pass away, as well as be the role model you girls want him to be. But he needs to understand that he is responsible, and he should discuss problems with you and your sister, instead of any physical harm. You could help him by doing what he asks, but also sitting down with him and discussing things you would want to share and fix. Beating and physically harming anyone is not the way to punish somebody, you need to tell him that if he wants respect, you need it in return. Just by communicating and talking to him, you will see changes immediately. Like i said your father is trying very hard, and on top of a death and a job he is struggling to keep you girls safe, healthy, and protected. He also wants what is best for you girls, and there isn't a question as to why you girls will not succeed in life.  

            So Ruby, stay positive, you are doing a wonderful job by being there, and understanding how your family is taking this emotionally. Please talk to your sister and tell her that you love and care for her, and you don't want anything to happen to her. I hope my advice helped you, and i wish you the best of luck! Just remember, "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."

Good luck Ruby!

Mia S.

Advice to Ruby Cathy by Brooke Taylor

Dear Ms. Ruby Cathy,

I would like to start off by paying you my deepest condolences regarding your late mother. I'm sure this loss has been hard on the whole family. Might I add that you sound like a delightful young lady. I'm sorry that you must deal with these kind of problems in your life. Most girls are worried about their next boyfriend, or the next trend they need to follow, but you have serious problems in your life. I will do my best to give you advice that will help you through this rough patch, although I have never been in a situation such as this.

I'm glad to hear that you have taken notice to the fact that your sister and father are handling their emotions in unhealthy ways. Your sister seems to be showing classic symptoms of grieving. She may feel that your father wasn't around as much, or didn't help out as much as he could have when your mother was alive. Defying him may be a way of staying "true to your mother" in her eyes, because she probably feels resentment towards your father. She may also be feeling guilt for not achieving a certain goal she had wished to accomplish while your mother was around. Talk to your sister. Don't be pushy or nag her about it, but try to sympathize with her. She is clearly taking the hit very hard. Help her to realize that defying your father won't make things any better than they are now, and if she wants your lives to improve, then she will behave.

As far as your father's actions are concerned, he is merely grieving also. He, just as your sister, may be experiencing severe guilt amongst his mourning. If he does have a violent temper, there are other ways to handle it than by harming you girls. Now Ruby, I am not saying that your father is parenting you girls in the wrong way, but I am saying that he could be parenting you girls in a different way. If you girls do something that you know will make him angry, then talk with him first, and do something to make up for it! You must remember that your father is experiencing pain after losing the one that he loved. I must tell you that I have heard of a Ramona Cathy that everyone talks about being amazingly beautiful. If this is indeed your mother, then she has made a lasting impression on this town, and that might be hard for your father to deal with. Beating is not the way that I would punish my children. Perhaps you could suggest other punishments that you feel would suffice, rather than being physically harmed. If you are afraid that your family will be split up, talk to your father about it. Communication is the key to any relationship! Talk to him Ruby. Tell him that you don't want to split up. Create an emotional bond with your father. That way, it will be harder from him to break away from you girls.

Clearly your sister is resentful towards your father, so try to get them to communicate (remember! that is the key here) about their feelings. Maybe there are misunderstandings that need to be cleared up, or hurt feelings that need to healed. I'm sorry to tell you this Ruby, but you must take the responsibility upon yourself to pull your family together. Now that your mother is gone, you must become the middle man between these two strong personalities that may clash. This may insult your sister, but it sounds like your sister might be similar to your father! They are clearly both two tough cookies, but to keep all of you in the same batch, you need to follow the recipe that I just gave you.

Best of luck to you Ruby!

Leanne Brooks

P.S. Remember, I am only a letter away!

Advice to Ruby Cathy by Hailey Houtsinger

Dearest Ms. Cathy,


Let me begin by giving you my most sincere regards in the loss of your mother. That is an awful thing for any family to have to endure. Secondly, this kind of matter is something that is common so don't think that you are entirely alone. I understand how you love your father dearly, and I understand you love your sister as well but this is something you can't handle by yourself. You need someone close to you that you can trust to try and speak with your father about his actions. As for your sister, if someone speaks with your father and he changes, she may change the way she is acting towards your father. This a very courageous thing for someone to come out and talk about. Have you considered telling your sister the emotional toll you're paying for her actions? That may help for the both of you to get your feelings out. If things get too out of hand and your father will not change, it may be for the better for you and your sister to live with relatives.


I wish you the best of luck, as well as the best regards.