Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Ordeal By Cheque By Amber Leech
"Do you like this" said Lawrence Exeter to the sales clerk holding up a little blue onesie. Mr. Exeter was preparing to become a father. A week later the day had come. The day that Lawrence Exeter Jr. was born. Days after Jr was born his mother was in a terrible accident and died. As the years went on Jr's behavior became unacceptable and his father sent him to Columbia Military Academy. After graduating Mr.Exeter surprised Jr. with a brand new Cadillac which he had wrecked days later. Mr. Exeter also was paying for him to attend Stanford University. While Jr. was away at college he had got himself into some trouble with a Miss Daisy Windsor and Mr. Exeter ended up having to pay her large amount of money. At this point Mr. Exeter had enough and took Jr. to France hoping to keep him out of trouble for awhile. While in France Mr. Exeter had fallen in love with a Miss Lucy Martin and after buying an apartment in Paris he asked Miss Martin to marry him. Mr. Exeter was taking his new wife to Hawaii for there honeymoon leaving Jr. in France with with a large amount of his savings. Mr. Exeter was really enjoying his time in Hawaii and decided to buy a house there and had to lend Jr. his checkbook because Jr. had spent the money that his father had given him. It seemed that while Jr. was in France he had also met a woman. He started to buy very expensive lingerie for a mysterious women which later would be known as Natalie Jenner. The couple had fallen in love very quickly. Natalie's very possessive ex boyfriend Tony Spagoni was not happy with Natalie falling in love with another man. She had also owed him a few hundred dollars and didn't have the money to pay him. Tony had threaten to kill her and Jr. if he didn't get his money so Jr. started writing him checks. Jr. had decided to propose to Natalie a few months later. He bought her a flawless diamond ring followed by 2 dozen roses. After being married for a few months the couple was fighting constantly and Natalie wanted a divorce. Jr. had given her a few thousand dollars to help her financially while she was looking for a job. After the divorce Jr. started becoming depressed and unstable and ended up taking his life.
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I liked your story because you used good imagination in it. Your story sounded pretty realistic. It kept making me want to read and see if he ever found someone that he really liked and that liked him.
ReplyDeleteAmber- Great opening sentence idea! Next time, let's divide it into paragraphs. Remember to proofread and keep your verb tense consistent. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete-Ms. Balas