Monday, September 12, 2011

Ordeal by Cheque by Sonny Breeger

Laurence Exeter always wanted to become a father and the day has finally come. Before he had the baby he went out and bought all the supplies he needs to father his new son Laurence Exeter Jr. One day while Laurence was playing with his son he noticed a strange bump on his head, so he decided to take him to the doctors. After some tests were conducted in turned out it was just a little bruise and he was perfectly alright. While they were coming home from the doctors, Laurence stopped and bought some toys for Jr. to make him feel better after being stuck in the hospital for a few days. A few years later when Jr. turned 4 Laurence decided it was time to enroll his son in a private school. While Laurence's son was at school he went out and bought him a bike so that after school he could teach his son how to ride a bike so they could spend some time together. Jr. had just graduated middle school when he was just riding his bike around when he wrecked it. Laurence was so upset at his kid that he decided to enroll him in military school. After 5 years of military school (Jr. failed one year) he finally graduated. As a graduation gift his father bought him a brand new Cadillac. While driving one night Jr. wrecked his Cadillac while driving home from hanging out with his friends. He had no money so he had to have his dad pay for his car to be fixed.

Laurence decided it was time for his son to get him out of the house so he went and enrolled him into Stanford University. While Jr. was at college Laurence met this women and the traveled to France together. After going to the bank in France to translate all his American money into European money he goes out and buys his girl some flowers and takes her on a romantic date in the Eiffel Tower. While his girl was sleeping Laurence went out and bought some rose petals to put around the bathroom and bathtub, so that when she wakes up she has a romantic bath to wake up. That day Laurence decided to finally go buy something he has always wanted in his life, a boat. After he buys the boat him and his girl go buy decorations for the boat. Laurence goes out and buys his girl a fake diamond to ask her to marry him. After many weeks of trying to convince his girl to take a boat trip from France to Hawaii she finally agrees. While on the boat trip he proposes to her and she says yes! When they finally arrive in the port Laurence buys he receives a phone call from his son Jr. asking his father to give a two hundred thousand dollar loan. He agrees to giving his son the loan but only if he pays him back. After the phone call Laurence and his girl check into a hotel.

The story leaves Laurence Sr.'s life and now moves into Jr.'s life. The two hundred thousand dollars that Sr. gives Jr. he uses to start planning the wedding for his father. He goes out and buys the gown for the bride, buys the bride mates their gowns, buys the guys their tuxedo's, and buys shoes for the wedding. Laurence Sr. thought that his son was just using him to get money for drugs, so he goes out and hires a hit man because he knows his son is never going to pay him back. Jr. goes out and buys the flowers for the wedding and the wedding ring. Laurence Sr.'s girl finds out that he is actually married to another girl the whole entire time they were in France and Hawaii. Laurence then tries to pay off his fiancé so that she wouldn't tell his actual wife about any of this, but she just takes his money and says she wont say a word but then she finds out her number from going through Laurence's phone and calls his wife telling her everything. Laurence's wife then files for divorce and his fiancé leaves him to. After paying off all his lawyers and giving his wife the settlement check he then has to deal with his son who he thought stole two hundred thousand dollars from him but it turns out Jr. was actually paying for the whole wedding without Sr. knowing. You may be wondering how did Sr. not know Jr. was planning his his own wedding. Laurence had a date planned for the wedding already and wasn't worrying about it while in Hawaii, so Jr. wanted to surprise him by planning everything for his dad by the time he gets home, when he would get home he would tell his father about it, but it was too late. The hit man that Laurence hired stalked Jr. while he went out to dinner with an old friend. While Jr. went to go the bathroom the hit man walked into the bathroom with him, locked the door, then shot Laurence Jr. with a silenced pistol, and walked right out of the restaurant. Laurence Sr. comes back home to find out the hit has been complete and pays the hospital bill and the examination bill. He cremates his son and spreads his ashes in the ocean on his boat.


4 comments:

  1. Sonners,
    I loved your story it was long but easy to follow and kept me wanting to read. It was very romantic, at the beginig that is. then it becomes very dramatic, I did not see the second wife comming. That was a very good surprise. I liked how you had the dad was behind the whole hit, it was very much different then mine. It was a very good story and kept me on the edge of my seat.

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  2. Sonny-
    What a dramatic finish! Good job. Very creative. Next time, proofread a little more closely... I think you overlooked a few things! Keep up the hard work!
    -Ms. Balas

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  3. Hey cousin, great story! It was very intense and you thought of things i never would have.

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  4. I really liked yours, it was exciting. Good job, it was very original.

    -Lauryn Robinson

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